I cried last night.
I feel like this shouldn't really be a fact worth noting. I usually well up at anything - movies, TV, adverts, the mere thought of someone I love dying - but it wasn't until last night that I realised how long it's been since I last cried. I actually wanted to cry, just to let it all out, and it took a long time for me to actually be able to produce the tears. Which is really strange for me, and it makes me wonder when the last time was that I cried. At what point did I stop being sad and just become empty inside?
But the good news is, right now I can honestly say I feel good. I had a really good driving lesson earlier and I just generally feel upbeat. I know this feeling won't last long though, so I'm just going to savour it while it lasts.
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
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That's interesting; you know, my very first experience with antidepressants was the SSRI Celexa. Prior to starting it, I had cried every day for like seven months straight and one day couldn't take any more, so I went to see my doctor. She put me on Celexa and after about three weeks it kicked in. Unfortunately, it was like this: I woke up one day completely numb. You could have told me that my mother died horribly (and I love her more than anything in the world) and my response would have been a shrug and a grunt, if even that. That scared me more than the crying every day, so I quit taking that medication.
I don't know what my point was, maybe just that you're not alone in realizing that it's better maybe to feel sad and let it out than it is to not feel at all.
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