I didn't end up going to the meeting, which I'm really annoyed at myself about because I really think it would have been a good experience for me. I've sunk so low into my depression the last few days that just getting out of bed and getting dressed to go out has seemed the world's most daunting task. Eventually my dad came round this morning and forced me to get up and go out with him, which I appreciate now even though I didn't earlier when I was lying in bed with a pillow over my head wanting to block out the whole world.
I finally got a message back from The Ex (Ex No.3 - I should probably come up with better names for them) after I sent him a "Merry Christmas" type message last week. He mentioned something about feeling run down, and I fought the urge to reply and ask what was wrong. I have to realise that if he's going to decide to abandon me when I'm at my lowest then he doesn't deserve anything from me. It's a small step for mankind but a big step for me and my co-dependency issues!
Oh, and I think I was right - I was developing feelings for Ex No.2 again for the wrong reasons.
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A suggestion: if these boys are not going to be a positive influence in your life, delete their numbers. If they want to contact you, they will. If they don't, then you'll have proof that they don't care.
I've found that I will develop feelings for a boy just so that I can distract myself from my own issues. But I ALWAYS feel empty afterwords. I have allowed myself to be used FAR too much this year.
We deserve better. We deserve to be loved, wanted and to be pursued. Please don't allow yourself to be misused. You're worth far more than that.
*hug*
Yeah you're right. I was determined to have some kind of civil post-breakup contact with No.3 because I'm probably going to have to see him at a mutual friend's birthday in February, but now we have I'm not going to contact him again.
I have these constant underlying beliefs that because these boys didn't love me it means I must be worthless. Which is pathetic, but I wish I knew how to convince myself otherwise.
*hugs back*
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