I didn't end up telling The New Boy about my depression. I am a coward. I was kind of hoping he would see my Citalopram and ask about them - he did see them, but he assumed they were contraceptive pills and I kind of didn't correct him. Oops.
I know I should be honest, I know it's not healthy for our relationship for me to be hiding myself from him, but at the same time I like that he doesn't know about that side of me. I like that around him I'm not the "depressed girl", the fact that he doesn't know encourages me to keep my depressiveness (is that a word?) under wraps. If he knew it would be all too easy to start getting depressed around him, and I don't want to be that person. I've been genuinely happy the last couple of weeks, and I don't want to lose that.
I had my first counselling session yesterday. It went quite well, but it's unfortunate in a way that I'm not currently in a depressed phase at the moment. I don't think I'm going to get as much out of it as I could do because I am happy at the moment, which is actually a bit annoying! But I've probably jinxed it now, I'm sure I'll slip back into depression next week, ha. My counsellor is quite hot as well, how Freudian is that! But considering a) he's married (I checked out the ring finger) and b) he heard me go on about my relationship issues yesterday, I don't think the feelings will be mutual somehow!
I also have loads of homework to do for my counsellor as well. As if I didn't have enough work to do at the moment! I'm following this online CBT program called Beating the Blues - it's so incredibly cheesy (although my counsellor warned me it would be), at one point it had to type in things that had upset me in the week, and a computerised voice said "that must have been very difficult for you", haha. Oh well, I shall perservere.
About Me
- Katie
- My name is Katie, I'm a twenty-something Londoner and student occupational therapist. I haven't figured out any more than that yet.
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3 comments:
There's nothing wrong with not telling him right now. You need to feel out whether this relationship will go somewhere before you let something like that out which could potentially open you up to a lot of scrutiny. It's not lying if you just don't go into an in-depth conversation about it yet. It's completely normal.
I agree with Kim. There are many things that you don't share with people until a relationship is more firmly established. If he makes you happy then that is a good thing. But I hope you don't feel like you have to be "on" around him, because that could get tiring. I knew a girl once who made me want to try and be a better a better person, and that was great. But I've had friends who had girlfriends and when they were around them they kept trying to be something they weren't. After a while they just got sick of it. So I hope that this works out for you, just don't sacrafice who you are for anyone. At least that's my thoughts on the matter.
I'd also suggest keep going to counselling for a while. Just in case. I know my own depression comes and goes. But I am very happy that you seem to be doing well. I hope it stays that way.
That's a good point both of you made, but I think I felt I needed to know now if he can deal with it because my ex couldn't, and I want to know before I get too emotionally involved.
SMTO - I'm definitely going to keep going with the counselling. And thanks :)
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