Things have been really up and down the last few days. Depression isn't too bad, but the anxiety has been. I had a driving lesson this morning which brought on severe anxiety last night as usual, then this week is going to be a bit of an anxiety inducing week. I've got a meeting with an occupational therapist on Wednesday in order to gain experience/advice for my Occupational Therapy MSc application, and meeting new people always brings on anxiety. I'm not sure how I'm really going to be an occupational therapist when I get so anxious around people, but let's just cross our fingers that I manage to sort it out by the time that happens.
I would so love to be an occupational therapist, I just don't know if I can do it. Actually, it's not even that. I think I could do it, I just don't know if I could cope with the anxiety. Plus it's embarrassing to admit, but my hands sweat a lot, particularly when I'm anxious. It's been a nightmare ever since I was a kid, and if I do a job where I'm going to have to be physically touching people I can't be sweating all over them. I suppose it's something I'll have to talk to the doctor about.
Ah yes, the doctor's appointment on Wednesday. Still dreading it with every fibre of my being.
I feel like I'm on autopilot at the moment. I can feel the anxiety and depression pushing through in the back of my mind and if I let the floodgates open then I won't be able to cope. And I can't not cope right now, it's just not an option. I've got too much to do and too much is at stake in terms of my degree, I've come too far to let it all be ruined now. So I keep fighting it off, but it's exhausting. I just want to curl up in bed and never get out, but I can't, and I can't let myself think it or it'll become even harder to fight.
I wish I could just take a break from myself for a bit.
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2 comments:
Just calm down, take a few breaths. Consider cutting something non-crucial out of your life for the time being. That way it's one less thing you have to worry about. You can always come back to it later. That's what I do when life starts to feel like it's drowning me. I streamline things and just take them on one at a time. I try not to worry about everything, just the one thing I'm dealing with right now.
Good luck, I know you can get through it.
I really wish there was something I could cut out of my life, but everything related to my degree is pretty crucial. I suppose I could give up learning to drive but I'd be so disappointed in myself, I've come so far it seems a shame to throw it away now. Thanks for the support though :)
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