I had the doctor's appointment this afternoon. I've been prescribed 20mg of Citalopram (any readers ever taken this drug before? If so what has your experience of it been like?) and I have another appointment in two weeks.
Strangely, it feels like the world's biggest anti-climax. I was incredibly nervous beforehand and I found actually talking about my symptoms incredibly uncomfortable, but the doctor was really understanding. Now that it's over I do wonder why I put it off for so many years. It's very tempting to play the "what would my life be like if I'd actually taken this step ten years ago" game but I really don't want to go down that road. It's something that kept going over and over in my head for so long, and it took so long to build myself up to doing it I'm now realising that actually that was probably the easiest part as opposed to the hardest part like I thought it would be. I think at this point the hardest part is very much still to come.
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I know what you mean about the whole anti-climax thing. I keep expecting some big earth shattering event that never comes. What's worse is when I do accomplish something that I think is a huge step and everyone around me just shrugs it off. It's like their saying "So what, that's what everyone is doing", or "Anyone can do that." They don't realize that it is such a big step for someone who has been unable to walk, metaphorically speaking.
I think it's great that you are getting some help. Don't sell yourself short.
I just read a wikipedia entry for Citalopram, which of course now makes me an expert.(kidding) If it helps it sounds great. The side effects don't sound to pleasent, but then then they never do. Are you getting any counseling along with the medication? I personally have tried counseling. It helped in some ways, but it was a safe place to start. I could see if just talking helped and then if I needed I could work my way up to medication.
I really hope the Citalopram helps. There probably will still be hard parts. For all I know the hard parts will never end. But working through them is such a great feeling. At least that's what I think
The doctor gave me the prescription and told me to come back in two weeks to see if it's working and to discuss counselling, and from what I've heard from other people that seems to be the way it's done in England. I think doctors in this country are a bit too eager to hand out anti-depressants, but it's worth a try I suppose.
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