i did it

I finally booked a doctor's appointment today, and I am officially terrified.

I met up with a friend for coffee this afternoon, and we had a good talk about everything. She's currently in recovery from anorexia, and she gave me some really good advice. Basically she told me to just do it. Book an appointment (or keep trying til I can) and get it over with. I told her how busy I am this year, and how I'm wondering whether I really have the time, strrength and motivation to dedicate myself to getting better. She pointed out that it doesn't have a be a huge life-altering event, I can just take it one step at a time. I don't need to overload myself with trying to transform myself completely, but even booking one appointment is a step in the right direction.

After we said goodbye I started walking back to uni, and without even meaning to I ended up passing the health centre. And I decided she was right, I needed to take that first step, so I did. I have an appointment on Wednesday.

I know doctors have seen and heard it all before, and I know I won't be the first person to have gone to them with mental health problems, but I still feel like I will be. I still feel like they'll just be thinking what the hell are you going on about, get over it. I don't even have a clue what I'm going to say, I don't even know where to start. But like my friend said, I have to just take it one step at a time.