Monday, 13 April 2009

let go

I ended up contacting Ex No. 3 last night on Facebook, in a moment of weakness/madness/sadness/loneliness/nostalgia. As much of a nice guy InternetGuy is, and as much as No. 3 hurt me, I'm not over him. I really loved him, and that's not something I seem to be able to forget easily.

It was just a casual, small-talk message, for the record. As much as I miss how he used to be, he's not that person anymore and I haven't forgotten that, I'm under no impression that even if he replies we'll be getting back together. I still haven't forgiven him for being so cruel to me after we broke up, when he knew I was going through a hard time.

But I know he still reads my old non-anonymous blog because it comes up on my visitor tracker, and I can't get my head around it. He's still interested in hearing about my life when he doesn't want anything to do with me as a person? It doesn't make sense. And typically enough, he went on my blog today even though he hasn't replied to my message.

I know he's a lost cause and we're never going to be able to salvage any kind of friendship, I've given up on him so many times. But I never really seem to be able to let go.