xmas

Merry Christmas everyone, I really hope you all had a good day.

My day went suprisingly well, I actually had quite a good laugh with the family, and dinner was lovely. I also found out that No.3 had to work on Christmas Day which cheered me up in an extremely pathetic way.

I went driving with my dad today which was horrendous. His car was completely different to what I was used to, and I got off to a bad start by accidentally putting myself in third gear instead of first when I stopped at a junction, and wondered why the car kept stalling when I tried to drive off (took me about five tries before my dad realised what the problem was). I ended up having to pull over to burst into tears, and then spent the rest of the drive trying to fight back more tears. My dad said I did well, but I think he was just patronising me, and of course I have to beat myself up over it either way.

tears

I cried last night.

I feel like this shouldn't really be a fact worth noting. I usually well up at anything - movies, TV, adverts, the mere thought of someone I love dying - but it wasn't until last night that I realised how long it's been since I last cried. I actually wanted to cry, just to let it all out, and it took a long time for me to actually be able to produce the tears. Which is really strange for me, and it makes me wonder when the last time was that I cried. At what point did I stop being sad and just become empty inside?

But the good news is, right now I can honestly say I feel good. I had a really good driving lesson earlier and I just generally feel upbeat. I know this feeling won't last long though, so I'm just going to savour it while it lasts.