Apologies for the disappearance - I just haven't felt like writing much lately and my dissertation has become my life. I struggle to focus on anything else, and I suppose it's a good thing that I'm getting it done, but I think I'm neglecting people. I find it all too easy to isolate myself, even when I'm not drowning in coursework.
I had an interview today to join a program which can means I can work abroad this summer. I would so love to go, I think it would be exactly what I need. To get away, to excape, to explore, to have an adventure. The only problem is that my graduation ceremony is in the middle of July, if I get onto my postgrad course that will start sometime at the beginning of September, and the minimum I can work abroad for on this program is two months. I'm not really sure if the timing is going to work so I'm trying my hardest not to get my hopes up.
I've been chatting to this guy online, and he's coming to visit this weekend. I don't really want to talk about it because there are so many aspects of the situation where I'm not sure how I feel about it. Maybe I'll talk about it after the weekend and I know how it went. I'm just feeling slightly guarded at the moment and I have no idea why, since this is supposed to be my place where I can let everything out.
I'm still continuing with counselling, and although I feel like I'm getting more out of it I find it slightly awkward. I don't know if this is how it always is or I just have a bad counsellor, but he doesn't seem to want me to talk about deep stuff. He always says, "I don't want to make you talk about something too personal" whenever he asks about something remotely personal, but surely that's the whole point of therapy? And whenever I mention anything remotely heavy or dark he just seems to look uncomfortable, one time he actually just changed the subject completely. What have other people's experiences of therapy been like, is this normal?
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It's good to hear from you again. Don't worry about not posting, it happens. As far as that work abroad program, it sounds fun and I think it would be a good experience. I myself had a chance to uproot myself and go someplace new. What I liked about it was it gave me the opportunity to completely reinvent myself because of the new people and new surroundings.
I'm not sure why your counsellor seems to be shying away from things that are important to you. It could be that he is trying to steer you away from things he thinks are negative. In this way he may be trying to encourage you to focus on the good things in your life. While this may have merit I think it is important to discuss the difficult things as well. Maybe he is working his way up to the more serious stuff. That's giving him the benefit of the doubt. Try staying with it and see if it gets better. If it doesn't talk to him and see if he has a reason. If he doesn't like talking about depressiong things then why did he get into this profession in the first place. If is is unwilling or unable to give the help you need don't hesitate to find another counsellor. It can be hard to find someone who is right for you, but it's worth it if it helps.
In my experince the counsellors have always been the ones digging deeper. That's their job, to get to the heart of matters and help you become aware of issues that are hurting you. Sometimes this meant facing some very personal demons. The bottom line is that counselling is supposed to help you. If your counsellor isn't helping then what's the point. I'd just like to encourage you to stick with it even if it means dropping this person and finding someone else. I hope it goes well.
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